Day 78: Guardian Angel

Hard to believe that 99 days is only a few weeks away! These past few months have been such an adventure with Samantha. She has grown so much, learned so much and experienced so much.

We have been working on a new sleep routine for her, because frankly, I want to get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time, and by golly...it seems to be working! I'll blog about it in a few more days, once all the kinks are ironed out. But I must say, we are both much happier now that we are more rested. Now, I just have to train myself how to fall asleep at a decent hour. I'm so used to going to bed after midnight, that if my head hits the pillow any sooner, my brain is like a hamster in a wheel! Round and round and round and round.

One of the things that crossed my mind while my hamster was spinning last night, was that Samantha is turning 9 months old today! I couldn't help but go back and go through ALL of her thousands of pictures. I really want to make a scrap book for her, but really have no idea how to choose my favorite photos for it. So, I came to a compromise with myself and made a few collages of my favorite moments that I can print out and use.

These brought back a flood of emotion, especially the ones from when she was first born. I remember telling myself, I have to take pictures and videos of EVERYTHING! I don't want to forget a single thing, and yet I already don't remember how she could have ever been so tiny that I could hold her with a single arm without it falling asleep; how she could have had such tiny fingers that they would disappear when Daddy would hold her hand; or how she smelled of pure innocence.

As I held and nursed her last night, I couldn't help but cry and pray that she have a life full of opportunity and amazing memories. And I found myself staring out at the moon praying, praying to who I think her guardian angel is, Grampa Aberle, to keep her safe when I cannot and guide her when she won't listen.

I started to notice a presence when she was only a month or so old. She would stare and smile over my left shoulder. Sure, she would stare and smile at me too, but I just knew he was the one making funny faces at her as I tried to change her bum.

Then I started to notice, just recently, that whenever she awoke from her naps she would always be in the same corner of her crib, facing the rocking chair, babbling away. Surely, they are singing "Picture a Cowboy" together. Certainly not a baby friendly song, but all of our favorite by far!

Now, maybe I'm wrong or maybe I'm only seeing what I want to believe. But in my heart I know that she will be safe and taken care of whenever I can't be there. And as tears stream from my eyes as I remember how much fun I had with Grampa and I know that she's sharing a different type of fun with him and bonding with him in a way that I never could.

I miss you and love you so much Grampa, and it warms my heart to know that you will protect Samantha now and forever. But on a lighter note, stop dropping your falsies out of your mouth and let her take a nap.

~ William "Bill" Aberle ~

November 20, 1928 - October 22, 2005