Day 31: The Best for You

I am always told how beautiful Samantha is, how big and brown her eyes are and how long her eyelashes are. So, today Samantha went to her first open call at a talent and modelling agency in Mississauga. After finally picking out the perfect outfit and then deciding on a completely different one, I was sure that Samantha would be a sure shot!

One agency sent us an email stating that Samantha either resembled another model already working for them or she didn't have the look they were looking for at the moment. Samantha had her first rejection in life. To me, Samantha is the cutest baby I have ever laid eyes on, and that is a statement I will not back down from. So, to hear that she was either similar to another baby or wasn't what they were looking for, well, I''ll be honest, that sort of stung a tad.

However, this afternoon, at the open call, we learned some more about the industry and were told that the company would love to represent Samantha, as well as many of the other babies (alarm #1) for a $300 administration fee. (alarm #2). Am I in a scam...did I not do enough research...maybe I needed to do some more homework. So, Samantha is not going to be represented by this company right now. (I'll do another blog on model scams later)

But all this really made me start to think. Why do I want Samantha to be a baby model? Am I really doing this for her, or maybe I am just trying to live vicariously through her?

Obviously I think she is adorable and beautiful, but every mother thinks the same thing. In my mind, I want to provide opportunities for Samantha that she may not normally be able to have; opportunities that I was not given growing up. I want Samantha to be confident and happy and independent and I feel like introducing her into this industry is a great opportunity for her to learn these skills.

Am I a "stage mama"...No...Do I want to be one...No. Honestly, Toddlers and Tiaras makes me sick. Those children are supposed to be playing and having fun. And when Samantha is a little bit older, the decision is completely hers and I will support her 110% in whatever she decides to do with her life. But at least she will have the confidence to pursue whatever she decides, as well as a little extra money for her to do it with.

On the other note, I certainly don't want Samantha to base her self worth on looks. Her looks will change, her personality will change and hopefully society will change along with her and stop judging people based on their looks. But let's be honest, good looking people are given different opportunities than the average person. Come on Channing Tatum would never have gotten where he is today if he didn't look the way he does. (Not that I'm complaining about the sexiest man alive)

So, where do we go from here? I would still like to look for the best agency to represent Samantha. I know that she has something special inside her and I strongly believe that this industry will help open doors for her. Doors that I just don't have the key for. As her mother it will be my job to keep her on the ground and teach her about core values and ideals and beliefs. I may not be the perfect mother and I know that I will make mistakes, but I do believe that this is not one of them.

Samantha, I do not know where this will go or where this will take you, but if you are reading this now, I can only hope that I did indeed make the right decision for you. I love you and only want the best for you.

Day 30: Fetch

It's official, today is day 30 of 99! 1 month has passed and I am so glad that I am taking this journey. Day 15, is certainly my favorite day so far. Watching Samantha "swim" for the first time, was simply amazing! While, Day 4 was the worst and probably shortest post. Nothing better than a teething baby!

But today, well today was certainly not my favorite day. Today was a day that had some laughter, had lots of tears and was just cold, wet and dreary.

Firstly, I had the bright idea that it would be a good idea to venture on out into the January rain. Not the best way to start our day...but just had to get out of the house. The second bright idea I had, was not only was I going to venture out into the January rain, but I was going to use public transportation...in January...with a 7 month old...in the rain!

Yup, can you picture it...There I am skating down the ice covered driveway and sidewalk, like the graceful ballerina that I am, trying not to fall on my rear-end while pushing the stroller and trying to hold the umbrella over me and the stroller! After sliding up to the bus stop only to have the bus then proceed to be 15 minutes late (apparently due to bad weather).

Luckily, Samantha has learned how to play "fetch" with mommy! So, off came her boots and onto the sidewalk...the wet sidewalk. Then over went her hat...onto the wet cement. Good thing, we only live 5 minutes from the bus stop and the rain had stopped for our return trip home.

"Fetch" did not stop there. It was her favorite game all day, not so much mine. Samantha, my little diva girl, would "Mmmm" and "Hhhhh" and "Uhhhhh" louder and louder until I would finally acknowledge that she dropped the toy and pick it back up to give her. Only to play "fetch" over and over and over again. My only escape was to play some Baby Einstein... and a game of hide and seek! Again, not one of mommy's favorite games to play with a 7 month old crawler!

I know, this is all part of her stages of development, developing her fine motor skills and learning about cause and effect. I also know that as I pick up her toy for the umptenth time she is learning the fine art of mind control and mommy control!

In all fairness, I am proud of her. So very proud of her. She is learning so fast and growing so quickly. I feel like everyday she has a new surprise to show me, a new skill to show off and if anything a giant smile to show the world!

Day 28: I remember

Today we had another great day! Not only did I get to sleep in until 10, but I woke up to a delicious McD's flapjack breakfast! The great part of waking up...oh wait wrong line. Ha, but it sure was a great way to wake up.

Thankfully, Samantha was in another great mood. She was full of chatter, laughter and bounce! All day she was just blah, blah, blah and ya ya ya. After Miss Chatty Cathy woke from her morning nap it was off to a friend's baby shower.

 
With only 5 weeks until her due date, I was overcome with emotion.

I remember the day Josh and I decided we wanted to have a child. How excited we were. I got advice from everyone. I read everything. I did everything, including sitting on the couch upside-down with my legs up in the air (gravity was going to be on my side too!)

I remember the morning we found out I was pregnant. I didn't sleep a wink all night, waiting for the perfect time to take the test. My heart was pounding, my hands were shaking and all I could think about was 2 lines...2 lines...2 lines. Low and behold 1 line! But, how? No? Am I crazy? Apparently, I just didn't wait long enough to look, because after a cold glass of milk...2 lines!

I remember the first kick, at least I think that was the first kick, the punches, the rolls. Every time she moved, I felt like I had butterflies floating around in my belly. Josh loved to lay beside me and just rest his hand on my belly and wait. Wait for his little child to The best part was if you pushed back you would feel a little foot or hand push you right back again.

There is a lot I wish I didn't remember though, like how the smell of cooking meat made me want to hurl. Or how uncomfortable I became, how I couldn't sleep, or how tired I was. No one likes to tell you those details. All you hear is "Oh, you have that pregnant glow", not this girl. My skin broke out like I was a high school teenager all over again. Or how about how I could drink an entire litre of milk in one sitting or how amazing peanut butter tasted...on everything.

Best of all though, I remember her cry. I remember the way she looked at me. I remember holding her in my arms. She was so little, so small and needed me. I'll also never forget when Josh sang to her, "You Are My Sunshine", and she actually stopped crying and looked up at him. These are the moments I hope that I never ever forget; those 9 months, the next 9 months or the next 9 years and beyond!

Day 27: And She's Back!

What a whirlwind of a week! If you remember from my last post, Samantha just hasn't been her usual happy smiley baby. Well...it only got worse! Day 25 and 26...well, I wouldn't wish a baby cold on my worstest (yes, I know...not a word) enemy!

Samantha has started swimming lessons and I'm thinking that the combination of chlorine pool water and cold winter temperatures have created the perfect environment for "Baby's Worst Cold"

Poor Samantha, she wanted to be in my arms but then didn't want to be in my arms. She would be tired and want to sleep but then didn't want to be asleep. Her nose was stuffy, her breathing was stuffy, even her voice sounded stuffy. The last week, needless to say has been horrible! Horrible for her, horrible for me, horrible for Daddy! Talk about torture. All you want to do is hold and soothe your baby, but she just cries. No, screams, in your ear as you try and soothe her. Then the headache kicks in and the sore back and the heavy eyes and finally you just have to walk away.

It has to be the worst feeling in the world. Not only walking away from your crying baby, but walking away from your sick crying baby. I know all she wants was for me to hold her, but Momma can only take so much.

I was so close to bringing her to the hospital the other night. Her cough sounded like she had been smoking for 30 years and kept her awake. I almost slept in the room with her! But the floor was just a little too hard for me. Thankfully, her humidifier, all though cooled the room, kept the coughing to a minimum and the Vicks Baby Rub helped to relieve some congestion. And at 2am after she had awoken 3 times since midnight...the Baby Tylenol helped Momma Samantha sleep the rest of the night!

Then this morning I heard it! I heard that sweet angelic sound! She laughed! She laughed and she giggled and she smiled! We played and we tickled and we kissed and we played some more! I had just been telling Josh last night, she hasn't laughed in almost a week!

I am so thankful that she is feeling better! Now, today, we can resume the quest for laughter! In fact, I'm so positive that today will finally be a good day, that it's not even noon and I'm writing this post as Samantha naps. Which by the way was the easiest nap in days!

(Boy, do I ever hope I'm not jinxing myself........only time will tell I guess!)
Have a great day everyone and enjoy the sunshine!

Day 24: 7 Minutes in Heaven

Today was day 24 of my 99 Days of Laughter and apparently someone woke up on the wrong side of the crib! This day didn't start well, this day didn't go well, but, my baby girl does love me, and it finally ended with a sleeping baby.

Maybe it's the price I pay for going out last night. Having dinner with the girls. Having a glass of sangria. Not being home for bedtime...still totally worth it...but gosh darn this day was rough on both of us!

Poor Samantha, 13 may be my lucky number, but 7 is certainly not hers Now that she has learned to crawl and climb, she has also learned how to fall. I don't know how this child is not black and blue with a concussion. She either needs to learn to hold on tighter or learn how to balance on those ballerina toes of hers, because I really don't want to wrap her in bubble wrap.

However, today was not the day that she learned how to hold on tighter or the day that she learned how to balance on her ballerina toes. In fact today was the day that she fell...and fell...and fell...and fell again. Half way through the day, my mellow dramatic child (have NO idea where she got that attitude from) actually threw herself on the floor and with her eyes closed as tightly as possible with as many tears flowing as possible and attempted to crawl into my arms only to find herself crawling into my leg! Can you say "over acting"? This was a scene that would make the Fresh Prince jealous and had she not been stuck on my leg I totally would have had my "bad mommy moment" and filmed it! This should suffice in the meantime...

Thankfully, after a little snuggle time and some Baby Einstein, my happy girl was back. She wasn't there for long, but I did get to see a glimpse of her today. In fact, she loved the picnic scene in Baby Einstein Favorite Places (about 14 minutes in). The puppy kept pulling items out of the picnic basket and she was all smiles and "babble babble" and "ah gah ha". 

Fortunately, all her dramatic scenes from the day wore her out and nap times and bed time were much easier! In fact, I actually found myself in a peculiar moment this afternoon after Samantha went down for her nap. The house was clean, dinner was ready for the oven and Samantha didn't fight me to sleep for 45 minutes. I actually had nothing to do...nothing...I was in heaven, it was only for 7 minutes, but it was 7 minutes in heaven! So quite, so calm...then my Drama Queen awoke from her slumber and I was back in the real world.

Well, good night my love, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day! 

Day 22: Dear Samantha

Dear Samantha,

Today, you are officially 7 months old! 7 months that have been filled with tears, sleepless nights, dirty diapers, 1 hospital visit and a smile that can melt you heart.

Since, that day you were born, I knew my life was going to change. Though, I could have never have dreamed that my life would change in the way that it has. I have learned so much from you. I have learned to be patient when you don't want to sleep and cry and scream and squirm in my arms for an hour only to sleep for 30 minutes. But these are memories I wouldn't trade for anything. The way you sleep in my arms, the way your eyes light up when you smile, the way you laugh and giggle when you bounce around in my arms.

I could never have imagined a love so strong. A love that could grow larger and stronger everyday. Every day I become more and more proud of you; of your accomplishments, of your ambition, of your perseverance.

Now that you can crawl, it has become your mission to climb over and on top of everything your little fingers can get a hold of! And no matter how hard you fall, you snuggle into my arms and then are right back at it! I truly hope that this is a trait that you will carry on throughout your life. No matter what happens, no matter how hard you fall, always remember that 1) I will always be there for you and 2) to get back up and try again.

This is one of the many reasons I am so proud of you, so proud to be your mom. As stubborn as you can be, you never give up. No matter how many times I put you on your play mats, you always go back to climbing up the table. I must admit, I am probably more tired now than I was when you were a newborn, but we are having so much fun together, that I choose to believe that that is the reason I am so tired. Luckily, knock on wood, you have been a great little sleeper and are now sleeping through the night. Now we just have to work on getting you to sleep...

I also hope that you never lose your sense of adventure.You just love the butterfly-belly feeling when the weasel goes "pop" or when that spider climbs that waterspout. Your eyes light up with joy and anticipation for the next rise or fall! Don't ever loose that joy, that excitement, that thrill. Don't be afraid to question. Question me, question your dad, question everyone. Remember, it's OK to look at the world from a new perspective, from a new angle.

Although, I'm sure this letter is probably sounding like a country music song, it really is what I hope for you. I have so many hopes and dreams for you. Ones that I will never write on paper, for the simple fact of, I want you to be you. I want you to experience life the way you want to experience it. And as much as I will help to guide you in the right direction, I am excited to hear about all your hopes and dreams! 

But please remember that you will always be my little girl and even when you're grown up and married with children of your own, this is how I will always remember you.

Love, 

Your Mom

Day 21: I'll Still be There

It happened...Samantha slept through the night! I'm not talking finally fell asleep at 9pm, woke up at midnight to nurse and then again at 7am to nurse. I'm talking full on 11 hours of sleep!!!! The only downside to this, as I'm sure all you nursing mothers can relate to, is that not only did my boobs grow 3 sizes overnight, but I'm pretty sure my nipples were about to split in half! Was that a little too much information...sorry. But at least I finally got a solid night's sleep, I have been exhausted!

I have to say, I was so excited for Samantha to start crawling around. As a new mother, every single milestone is a huge accomplishment and you get so excited for the next thing to come. So, as Samantha would watch the other babies around her crawl and walk around, I would encourage her and say "See Baby, that's called crawling". Those mothers of those babies would laugh at me and tell me to relish in the moment of immobility. Well Moms, you were right! I have never been so exhausted!

Anything that I could do during the day, now takes twice as long. I'm pretty sure Samantha will soon be black and blue from head to toe from trying to crawl over everything and trying to climb up anything. There is, literally, no where to keep her safe. Even in her crib, she climbs and holds onto the railing. But being that she's my blood, thinks she can do anything and is now trying to stand on her own...well Kerplunk...and into the crib rails she goes. (Is it possible to bubble wrap your entire house?)

That being said, the only safe place is her playpen. She cannot climb it...yet. She can not hurt herself if she falls down...yet. And she can not get out of it...yet. But, she hates it. She hates that she can't get out. The mesh becomes this invisible sheild that she must penetrate. So she pushes her face into it...even now, I'm about to pee laughing. She looks like one of those robbers that put their moms panty hose over their face to conceal their identity! Hilarious! I totally missed that picture, but got some other funny ones!

Well, needless to say Samantha has certainly been keeping me on my toes. But, I must admit, I love that I'm there to catch her when she does fall! And I can only hope that she knows, in 10, 15, 25 years, I'll still be there, sitting on my bum with my hands out ready if she needs me.