The Next Big Adventure

Well, it's happened, and far to quickly. Samantha is off on her next big adventure.

Today was Sam's first official day of JK, and it was the best, most emotional morning ever.

OK, lady at the grocery store, you were right when you told me to "enjoy it, because they grow fast". And the retired couple who told me to "watch out, she'll be grown in no time". But really, I'm not sure how time has gone by so fast. Honestly, didn't you just take your first step last week? Say your first word yesterday? Now today, there you go, riding your bike off down the sidewalk on your to your first day of school.

I am SO incredibly proud of her, how brave she was, how independent she's become.

She absolutely insisted on riding her bike to school, reminding us she needs her helmet. Then, with her lunch bag packed, her backpack (which is far to big) hanging off her tiny shoulders and her helmet buckled, she was on her way.

As we turned the corner towards her "big girl school", we met the crossing guard, a few friends and followed them towards the kindergarten doors. The smile on her face slowly grew bigger and bigger as she saw all her "new friends", including Amber and Ally, waiting in line to go inside. Then, seconds later the school bell rang and I barely had time to hug her and kiss her before she followed the line into the school, leaving me outside alone with my tears and breaking heart.

I hope she remembers that her indoor shoes are in her backpack, along with love-filled lunch, change of clothes, indoor shoes, and water bottle. Did I remember to tell her that?

I hope she remembers to use her manners, be kind, and have fun. Did I teach her that well enough?

I hope she remembers how proud I am of her and even though my eyes were filled with tears, my heart was full of an overwhelming sense of pride. Did I show that to her?

Either way, it's Sammy's time now. I can no longer lead her, but instead guide her on this journey, and hope and pray that she becomes the amazing, kind, silly, and smart girl she know you is.

Off to School We Go...

Dear Samantha,

Tomorrow, I promise to hold your hand a little tighter;
I promise to hug you a little longer;
And I promise to watch you a little closer.

I have been preparing for this day since you were born. I knew it was coming and this year especially, I knew you were ready for it to happen. You have grown into such an amazing little girl. You are kind, silly, smart, beautiful, and have so much love to give. I can only begin to imagine how much you will grow as you begin to truly discover your own independence, discover your own self and discover who you want to be.

Either way, as much as I have prepared for this day, I am not ready for it. I am not ready to let you go. How can I make sure you eat your sandwich before your cookies, remember to use your manners, or wash your hands. How can I protect you from the reality that is our society, from the bullies, the stereotypes, the mean words and the broken hearts.

No, I am not ready for this day to happen. Have I hugged you enough? Told you I loved you enough? Have I taught you enough for this day? Even in my bad mommy moments, I can only hope that my love for you has shone through and that you have felt my love in every moment, because being blessed enough to have stayed home with you since the day you were born is coming a distant memory.

Tomorrow, I will trust another woman to care for you, to teach you, to hold your hand. She will be the one to see that moment of excitement when you learn something new, that twinkle in your eyes when you are proud of your accomplishments. She will also be the one I trust to wipe your tears when you hurt yourself, hug you when you feel sad and help you learn to overcome the rules of society.

You see, tomorrow, I realize, is the start of a brand new adventure for you. One, in which, I have to let you discover on your own. So, I can only pray that I have pointed you in the right direction, taught you proper morals and values, and shown you the love you deserve.

But, for now I promise to hold your hand a little tighter;
I promise to hug you a little longer;
and I promise to watch you a little closer.

Love,

Mommy